Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
