1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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