I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
