Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
