some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
