Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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