ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
