sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
