Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
