what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
