we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
