Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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