maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
