there was a trapeze. enough said
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Help. Why am I so naked?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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