stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
