i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
