Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
