Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
