its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
