Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
