sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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