Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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