I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
