I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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