He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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