I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
