We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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