yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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