Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
