i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You may now shotgun with the bride
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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