remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
