wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
