I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We just shotgunned beers for America
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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