Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
