vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
