i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
