im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
