I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
