I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
