this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it's like heaven, but drunker
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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