Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I need a beard to bite.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize