this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
