Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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