Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That accounts for only three of the penises
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
