i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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