the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
