Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
