It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize