Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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