I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
