Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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