I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
