my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
