white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
