i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You smell like stripper and shame
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
