I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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