Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
