She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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