We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
