You're so nebulous sometimes
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
