yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
