My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
