there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's always time for handjobs
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
