this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
