New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
