i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
