If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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