I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
