Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize