It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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