Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
