I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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