i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
