i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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