I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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