my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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