: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
