maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
