Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
