i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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