Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
