the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize