I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
why is half of my head shaved?
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