While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
