i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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