My nipple is on Facebook.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
