I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
