too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
