So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
