i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
