I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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