sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
