we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
