Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Im part way to drunk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
