Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize