I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
