I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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