i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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