Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
