He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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